I want it so bad I can taste it.

JOB. FOUND.

2009-05-31T20:09:00.000-07:00

So, I thought the stress eating would get better after finally landing a job, but alas, once you overeat, your body wants that much everyday...

It doesn't help that the much awaited job is serving. Yes, food. In a restaurant. At least the main fare is seafood, which can be healthy if you bypass all the melted butter and creamy sauces.

I weighed myself. Even though I swore I wouldn't. And what did I discover? I'm a master at maintaining. It's not good enough for me, though. All this walking I've been doing should be helping more, except I've been eating enough for two.

So plan for this week. Start job, buy groceries. Take at least three bike rides, long ones, and get up earlier!

Unfortunately, my job will not help the awful sleep schedule I've grown accustomed to since school let out. I stand to start work around eleven and get off around ten. We'll see how that goes.

I have, however, bought some new beautiful clothes. Or my mother bought me some new, beautiful clothes I should say. Leave it to Momma to get me something nice when I'm down and out. Being home in Lexington for a week was so great. My little brother graduated from college (I'm old!) and I got to hang with my dog. Ugh, Kentucky in the summer, it's almost a crime to miss it.

I hope the beginnings of summer find everyone well.

I'm back. Again.

2009-05-20T20:13:00.001-07:00

Ok, now it's really summer and I don't have to stress about making short films for a couple sweet sweet months. Please, do not get me wrong, I love what I do, but making an extra film over Christmas means I have not had a break since SEPTEMBER. Much appreciated, much anticipated break.

So, since I'm not back to school until September I can focus on myself for a short period of time and hope that some good habits trickle into the fall and beyond.

My problem has never been not knowing what to do or where to start, my problem is STARTING. Luckily, today was productive: I'm looking for a job and walked for an effective three hours around the Boston area. It was warm, but I trucked through, and I think I'll sleep very well tonight. Last on my errands today was Whole Foods, where I managed to only spend about $40 and got a week's worth of healthy, digestive system healing food. Yum.

The last three weeks of beer, fried food and take out have done a number on my body and most days I hurt before I get out of bed. Tomorrow I have vowed to find my bicycle tire pump and get those bad boys into shape for riding. Looking for a job tomorrow will be so much more fun on wheels...

Another topic, did any of you know about this website http://www.uspharmd.com/blog/2008/top-100-weight-loss-blogs/ posting a top 100 weight loss blog list and including people without telling them? I randomly googled "weight loss" blogs to find some old haunts and, I'm not going to lie, see if FAT BRIDESMAID had made the first page yet (I think she's genius.. although she might read this, I think you're genius girl!) and what do I find? The first hit is this top 100 list and I'm on it?! I mean, I think I'm a decent writer, don't get me wrong, but I hadn't updated since last March when this was posted and no one ever informed me the list existed. I think it explains the trickle of hits which kept coming even in my absence.

Anywho, much more time to blog. I might actually keep a regular blog, we'll see.

Happy summer!

2009-02-05T22:01:00.000-08:00

So I think I've figured it out. Eating every three hours instead of twice (or once) a day means I am actually eating far more often than I'm used to.

I have to be eating in front of people a lot more often. It makes me uncomfortable. And I think, do they think I eat all the time? I mean, they always see me eating. That can't be attractive.

Eating every three hours is a lot harder than it seems. Today I only ate three times, and I'm counting a cookie as one of those times. Not as great as yesterday, but I can hope and pray and then MAKE SURE I don't do the same thing tomorrow.

One day at a time.

The Small Meal Challenge.

2009-02-03T18:28:00.000-08:00

I've replaced the weekly weight counter on the right tab of my blog with the "Small Meal Challenge". I'm trying to eat five meals of 300 calories a piece everyday, which would have me eating about once every three hours. It's rather difficult for me to do this, I'm not used to controlling when I eat so rigorously, and I'm definitely a no breakfast (sometimes even no lunch) and a large dinner kind of person. Which is horrible for my metabolism. It thinks I'm starving all day and then stores that huge late meal as fat. In my thighs.

I've heard this small meal method is very effective: to eat in small portions throughout the day, tiny meals that always include some fat, some protein, and some carbohydrate. It's easier for your body to break it down and your metabolism is optimized.

I am also, still, OVER the scale. I made a deal with myself. When I go down a size, I can weigh myself. And I really won't until then.

Exercise is still a gray area. I haven't been doing formal exercise, which is a problem. I justify not going to the gym, because I am forced to walk every where I go in Boston. It doesn't feel like as much daily exercise as it did 6 months ago, probably because my body has adjusted to the activity level.

So running. Ugh, maybe. Elliptical trainer. Yeah. I can work back up to running. I have this vision of myself running outside once it's nice, but man, I need work before that. So running. I also ordered a Pilates DVD, which I am very excited about it. If I like it, I'll review it.

Ok. Enough for today.

Featured and Finding Motivation

2009-02-02T07:32:00.000-08:00

I've eaten ice cream for the last time.

Ok, maybe not. But seriously, how many times do I have to be woken in the middle of the night by stomach cramps so painful I'm up for an hour to understand that I am lactose intolerant? A few hundred, obviously.

Which is fine, because besides skim milk and yogurt, I really have no business eating the dairy products that I love most: ice cream, cheese, chocolate milk. It is noticeably worse when I haven't consumed these things for a while and then all of a sudden eat half a pint of Ben Jerry's. I wish sugar wasn't the enemy, but it undoubtedly is, I'm afraid.

So how do I fix my sugar cravings without throwing my whole system out of whack? Fruit, fruit and more fruit. Like vegetables, but with natural sugar that soothes my sweet tooth and keeps my calories in check. So I went grocery shopping last night to fill my kitchen with all kinds of healthy things that I would want to eat (that also do not require more than five minutes prep time, because I am impatient to a fault).

I spent $80 at Whole Foods last night and was pretty happy with my take, but was interested in the breakdown of food categories on my receipt:

PREPARED FOODS:
A pint of prepared "Sante Fe" Turkey Tips
Three zucchini and onion cakes
4 frozen veggie burgers
Kashi Instant Oatmeal Packets (is this prepared?)
Pint Almonds

BAKERY:
4 Whole Wheat English Muffins
4 Whole Wheat Burger Buns, small

CONDIMENTS:
Raspberry fruit spread
All Natural Peanut Butter

PRODUCE:
3 Bananas
2 Apples
3 Clementines
2 Orange Bell Peppers
1 giant Broccoli floret

DAIRY:
Quart Vanilla Soy Milk (NOT DAIRY, why is it here? No other place for it, maybe)
6 Brown eggs
2 Raspberry yogurts, fat free

Not a bad list for a week of groceries. Seeing the breakdown, I am proud of how much produce I bought, but still think I could stand for more vegetable variety. I am into a veggie burger with a side of steamed broccoli as my dinner fall back these days (no cheese!), but I know there are so many other delicious vegetables just waiting for me to experience them.

Does anyone have a good recipe for a vegetable bake I can make on Sunday and heat up the rest of the week?

Also, I need some more ideas for quick protein fixes. I've got the nuts thing for during the day, but I need to be more open for dinner choices. My current repertoire includes veggie burgers, eggs, and peanut butter (and anything bought already prepared, like those yummy turkey tips). I don't eat red meat or pork, which complicates things, but maybe I could find a good soup recipe. Anyone? Ideas?

Ok, I suppose I could do some real work now. More tomorrow, as I'm working again and will avoid the stressful March preparations however I can.

I want to go to the gym.

2009-01-21T21:31:00.001-08:00

I WANT to sweat it out.

Why is that when I'm the most stressed, with the least amount of time, all I really want is to go Spinning? And when I have the time, oh like all day Sunday and Monday, I sit around and eat pizza and french fries?

I vow to not let my next day off go by without exercising. My body screams for it.

Well, as long as it doesn't snow a foot that day, I suppose. :)

I'm back in style.

2009-01-14T01:02:00.000-08:00

Blogging style, that is.

Some big things have changed in my life. I moved to Boston last September to get my graduate film degree from Boston University. I broke up with my verbally abusive alcoholic boyfriend. For good. I quit smoking (yay!). And I am now forced to (but secretly grew to love) walk 3 to 5 miles everyday, seeing as I don't have a car and public transportation isn't always the most reliable.

I have a wonderful creative outlet now (making films) that teaches me to appreciate the things I am capable of, the stress I am able to endure and the obstacles I can overcome.

Some things that haven't changed: My unstable relationship with my father, my inability to control my binge eating, and my insecurity about my body image.

I've decided to start writing again not because I'm back on a diet (although those who prefer more structure should really give Weight Watchers a try), but because I am trying to perfect an eating and exercise regimen I can live with. When my body is happy and satisfied, my emotional self has a far better chance to feel the same.

I will only worry about the things I can control, and have the will to let go of the things I can't...

So this is a new frontier involving smaller portions more often and exercise routines that are a little less strenuous so I can motivate myself to actually do them most days of the week instead of just one or two.

A small goal I have is to be able to run 3 miles in 30 minutes by springtime so I can start exercising outside (so much more enjoyable).

Another goal is to lose a pant size--because although I automatically lost 10 pounds last semester from all the walking, I did not drop a size. Walking builds the muscles in your butt and thighs, which are the two places I carry all my weight. I refuse, REFUSE, however, to weigh myself, even once a week. I just cannot deal with it, so best to avoid it all together.

Something wonderful that has come out of my newly found daily exercise as a pedestrian: I can walk up five flights of stairs without being even the slightest bit winded; I carried a suitcase that weighed 80 lbs. (the airport weighed it when I got there), a camera that weighed 20 pounds, and a backpack with a large laptop and eight books or so up three flights of stairs and then down ten blocks on my way to the airport to go home for Christmas break. Six months ago I would have taken a cab and ponied up the $30, telling myself that there was no way I could physically get all that luggage their with my own strength. I felt invincible that day.

It's the small things. It is. And yes, occasionally I have a venti soy chai latte from Starbucks, but I no longer eat coffee cake and I certainly don't hide chocolate in my desk drawer any more.

I'm writing again for hope, for motivation, for inspiration. I hope to reconnect with those of you I had been in touch with frequently, as I never meant to abandon my post.

off the dieting bandwagon, it seems.

2008-04-07T00:02:00.000-07:00

I can officially say I am not losing weight. I am, in fact, eating whatever I want. And officially, it is making me delightfully happy.

Usually there's a layer of guilt associated with the indulgent eating that follows a particularly strict diet, but not this time. I feel in control even though I might eat a hamburger, because I feel confident I'll only eat it if that's what I really want at that moment. Some days I just wake up and my body screams: give me red meat, now now now. So I do. Some days I might eat three bananas. And some days I could eat my weight in chocolate.

I have been working on portion control however, and I think it really does help. I've also been riding my bicycle a few times a week and plan to go back to running soon (I MUST quit smoking, I must...).

Overall I am feeling most content, even though I had to loosen my belt buckle back to its normal spot--an indication that I've probably gained back the ten pounds that I lost. I can't be sure because I won't go near the the scale. Not yet.

I think I'm getting off Weight Watchers.

2008-03-26T17:26:00.000-07:00

As scary as the world of dieting alone might seem, I'm not sure their plan is ever going to work for me.

I've tried, believe me I have. And some weeks, I did lose weight. I'm sure this program works splendidly for some people. I just think I'm ready to try seriously policing my diet on my own. I can't rely on other people to keep me accountable all the time.

Ugh, we'll see. I haven't even canceled my monthly pass subscriptions yet, which means they'll keep charging me until I do. Maybe I'll go to another meeting and see how I feel. I missed last week and then had to work yesterday, so I'm feeling very "off track".

I was, however, sick the last four or five days with a stomach virus and managed to lose six pounds. How much of that will stay off, who knows, but hopefully some of it. It's back to the workout grind tomorrow, though. I'm going to get my bicycle tuned up--it was 70 degrees out today and I was devastated that I hadn't already done that so I could ride.

The upside to this whole confusing dieting issue is that I have actually trained myself to crave vegetables, something I NEVER thought would happen. Maybe my body really does know what's best for it after all. Now if I could just manage to listen closely all the time.

I hope everyone had a wonderful week.

Things that do not contribute to weight loss.

2008-03-19T15:10:00.000-07:00

1. Drinking. I have to cut back on drinking when I'm trying to lose weight because of the calories, obviously. So what happens is, I don't drink all week and then accidentally get drunk on Friday night off of four beers! (Tolerance isn't as high as it used to be, unfortunately) And then once I'm drunk I proceed to eat everything in my kitchen that isn't good for me, i.e. everything in my roommate's cabinet.

2. "Lazy days". These are usually my days off, and no matter what my intentions are, I always manage to have one day off a week when I don't work out, but lay on the couch ALL DAY. Lazy days zap all my motivation and leave me feeling guilty the next morning.

3. Easter candy. Valentine's Day candy. Candy, in general. This is one of the hardest battles for me and I struggle with it all the time. Give me CHOCOLATE, damnit!

4. Working in a restaurant. Mmmmm, cherry almond pie, creamed corn and fried chicken! Good thing I'm friends with the cooks, they've gotten used to cooking all my grilled chicken and eggs with no extra butter or oil. They think I'm strange, I'm sure. Not to mention all of our "vegetables" are either drenched in bacon grease or filled with butter, cheese or oil.

5. Having a skinny roommate who eats all the time. I know I've already talked about this, but it's hard not to eat a cookie when they're always around. His mother loves to bake, damn her.

6. Smoking cigarettes. Bottom line, when I'm smoking more cigarettes, I'm working out less and when I'm working out less, I'm eating more and feeling EXTREMELY guilty.

7. Restrictive diets. I struggle with this, because as much as I would like to advocate some sort of "intuitive eating" plan, it makes me really nervous to think what I would eat if I could literally eat WHATEVER I WANTED (i.e. no food is off-limits). Supposedly your diet will balance itself out when you've learned to really listen to your hunger signals and what exactly your body is craving at the moment. For me, I always feel as if I'm craving french fries and Hershey bars. The problem, however, with restrictive diets (the other end of the spectrum) is that I do eventually go crazy from restriction and binge.

8. The scale. I honestly think the scale can be debilitating at times. I know I'm gaining muscle from my new workout regime as I was really out of shape, and so some weeks the scale is moving the wrong direction. It usually rights itself the next week, but lately I have been having a harder time just weighing in and dealing with the number. For God sakes, it's JUST A NUMBER. Like The Rotund said a couple weeks ago about about Girl Scout cookies: "IT'S JUST A COOKIE". You can't let it control your life.

9. Stress. Not even just stress from work, stress from grad apps (over and done now, woo hoo!), or stress from not working out. I swear, some days, someone can look at me wrong and I have to go home and eat a brownie. I should REALLY stop worrying about what everyone thinks. My opinion is important enough, right?

10. I don't have a tenth one. Does anyone else have anything that DOES NOT contribute to weight loss?

I know this list may seem counterproductive, but it really isn't, I promise. For me, the first step in managing my diet and not allowing these things to make me eat is acknowledging that they exist in the first place. For the longest time, I wanted to blame myself for being weak when I couldn't control my eating. Now I want to recognize what my triggers are and prevent them from making me feel the way they used to.

One step at a time, my dears.

I got into film school.

2008-03-16T23:25:00.000-07:00

Heck yes I did.

And sorry about the excessive photographs posted in the last entry. I was feeling visual, I suppose.

Now I have to begin applying for scholarships (writing essays, etc.) because Boston University's tuition is 35,000 a year. My god.

I'm hoping the government will give me some money, because really I only make 12,000 a year on paper. AND no one can claim me as a dependent.

SO much motivation to lose weight now. Gotta get me ready for those sexy Boston boys. I CANNOT wait.

Oh, and Happy St. Patty's Day.

Random Varieties of Stress

2008-03-12T20:15:00.000-07:00

I've been eating like a crazy person, but justifying it by working out. What it comes down to, however, is that I am really stressed out...

I am currently waiting to hear whether or not I've been accepted to graduate school for creative writing, and the odds aren't in my favor: the only school I've heard from is NYU (I was rejected) and they said they received 928 applications this year form 15 spots. Yeah, it's a crap shoot and I'm suddenly coming to terms with the reality that I may not get in ANYWHERE. Scary.

I didn't weigh in again this week, but I am definitely back on track tomorrow, definitely. The running really helps with the mood stabilization, and I'm taking to it more than I thought I would...

I am getting a new tattoo, I believe. I already have two. I got this one last year:

And then I have some small, colorful wings on my back. For my new one, I want to extend ONE wing all the way over my shoulder and down my upper arm to my elbow. Feathers galore. I am PUMPED. I really want to lose some more weight first, however, and thus have more motivation again.

Question: does anyone know how to embed a song on a webpage? Can it be done? I'm sure copywrights prevent people from doing this, but what if you OWN the song--can it be done then? Thanks for any feedback.

I also applied to one film school, to which I had to send a photo portfolio along with my application. I was looking at some of the pictures today and I really like them.

I mean, I gotta get in somewhere, right? Three weeks and I should know all...

Looking up.

2008-03-06T14:34:00.000-08:00

I did well today. I feel more stable.

And to that comment about me needing therapy-- yes, I am in therapy, but this is my blog and I feel free to write about anything I want to, as I should. I had a moment of crisis and in order to work through it, I wrote it down. And you know what? I felt a whole lot better after doing so. My last post was the first time I had ever actually WRITTEN DOWN any of those things that I felt. I did not ask anyone reading it to be my therapist or to believe I am normal or sane or more importantly, to think my emotions are founded or unfounded. I struggle between issues with my father and my weight everyday and "get a grip" doesn't really do much to alleviate that. So thank you for your concern, is what I meant to say.

Ok, enough negative energy.

I went spinning last night for the first time in three months and it was HARDCORE. The instructor was a maniac, no warm-up, no cool-down and NO breaks. But I kinda liked it. Actually, I really liked it. For any of you who have seen the latest season of the Biggest Loser, I always said I wanted a personal trainer like Jillian--someone who would yell and scream and kick my ass. And that's exactly what this guy did. Now, I know that sort of "encouragement" isn't for everyone, but I swear I work ten times harder and longer when they yell and scream. And it wasn't all screaming, he's a singer too--yelling out lines to songs in the middle of a hard climb. It was entertaining and motivating at the same time.

Also, I have been meaning to discuss the importance of the ever perfect food: the banana. I honestly think monkeys may have it right. There are days when I eat bananas like they are going out of style. I'll eat one as soon as I wake up, after a run, after dinner as dessert, or just as an easy snack while running errands so I'm not tempted to do a Starbucks run (mmmm... blueberry coffee cake). Bananas are portable, filled with potassium (no charlie horses for me!) and quite possibly the most delicious fruit out there--granted, this is only my opinion, but come on, bananas are pretty damn tasty, right? Right?

I have a friend who varies between being a vegan and a raw-foodist. For those of you who don't know what "raw-food" diet is, well it's pretty self-explanatory--you just don't eat anything that has been cooked. She will eat a lot of fruit, natural fats like avocado and so many vegetables she had to start growing her own. :) Now, while I think that some of her dietary habits are a little extreme, I DO think that fruits and vegetables play a LARGE role in a healthy diet. I, personally, would be happy eating fruit all day long, every day. My head, however, craves refined sugar and my muscles crave protein from all the running. So I give them what they need, more protein than refined sugar obviously (I won't say I've had a perfect day unless I've had NO refined sugar that day--this includes bread), but fruit is really my first love.

And THEN, I found people on the internet who agree. What a surprise, right? They are called "fruitarians"- Crazy Banana People

They are indeed a little batty, but they might have some good points.

That is all, I hope everyone has a lovely evening...

Oh goodness, what a week.

2008-03-04T22:40:00.000-08:00

So I haven't been really forefront yet with the insane amount of self-hatred I have for my fat, or the overall dismal state of my body image. Well, it's terrible. That's how I'll start.

It DOES NOT MATTER how good I feel when I exercise and eat well, how great it is knowing I've run farther than I ever have before, I will still regress whenever I am suffering from extra stress, uncertainty or severe self-criticism.

I am a perfectionist. When I do something, I fucking do it right, damn it. My father was the same way, which is why he put me on a diet when I was 7 years old. My entire family was thin and athletic and he wanted, no NEEDED me to be the same. I was ruining his image of his perfect suburban family. Never mind the fact that I was freakishly tall for my age by 10 (nearly 5'7" in fifth grade) and that I played three or four sports (baseball, soccer, ice hockey and lacrosse), I was NOT thin enough. Thus began my vicious cycle of forbidding food and binging.

Let's take this week for example. I opted not to weigh in today despite an above average week. I ran three times and did Pilates three times. I ate well and cooked for myself almost every night. Then yesterday I began to have stomach cramps, very unusual for me when I'm eating well and mistook them for period pains as it is almost time for that lovely thing to visit and began eating with reckless abandon. This happened to me last month also and I survived it fairly well, except this time they were phantom pains. 24 hours later and I STILL haven't gotten the flow. Last night was horrible, however, and I wrote down what I ate in the course of three hours:

6 0z. steak
6 0z. chicken
baked potato, extra sour cream
broccoli

Not bad so far, right? Ok, here we go.

3 O'Charley's rolls
1 sleeve Thin Mints
McDonalds grilled chicken sandwich
medium french fries
large strawberry shake
large glass of milk
Snickers bar

and last, but not least, 2 large glasses of Baileys Mint Chocolate Irish Creme, so I could pass out and STOP EATING.

It may not seem like a lot, but it really did all happen in three hours. Then I woke up today, did not have my period, did not go run off the calories and had pizza for dinner. Awesome. I went to my Weight Watchers meeting, but thought I might cry in front of the sweet reception lady at the scale or even worse, my over the top leader, who might shout "What did you do wrong this week? Do you have any questions about the program you would like to discuss?!" so loud that everyone in line would hear. Whenever she does this I want to say, "Listen, bitch, I've been studying nutrition labels for 17 YEARS and probably know a hell of a lot more about nutrition than you do. I only eat organic fruits and vegetables and I have ridiculously low cholesterol because I haven't eaten red meat in years. I have been on Jenny Craig, Adkins (horrible for you, never do it), South Beach, plain old calorie counting, I was a vegetarian for five years and this is my THIRD TIME doing WW, but yes, I'm sure there is SOMETHING you probably need to explain to me about the program, because OBVIOUSLY I'm not doing it right."

God. Sorry about that. I just hate when people assume that it should be easy for me to stop my binge eating, or that knowing it's bad should somehow guilt me into not doing it. Sometimes I think the pressure to be PERFECT with my diet overwhelms me and I just snap. Like last night. Actually, I know that's what it is. There are days when I feel physically and mentally EXHAUSTED. And man, if there's a donut within fifteen feet of me, I'm probably going to eat it.

*sigh*

I swear it's already working...

2008-02-27T21:58:00.000-08:00

Wow, I am in awe of what an impact writing something down can have.

Normally, I would have let yesterday stop me dead in my tracks, but I actually made a 180 today and ate splendidly.

I think the upset stomach and acid indigestion from all the cookies might have helped as well--but hey, I'll take what I can get.

I ran for thirty minutes, no more (sigh), but was deeply motivated the entire time by the thought "I might as well have eaten a cookie the size of my head, I might as well have eaten a cookie the size of my head"...

On the upside, I do believe I have had my share of Thin Mints for quite some time. I GAVE AWAY the rest of the box to my super-annoying, teeny tiny eating machine that I call my roommate. For any of you who have ever had a friend who could eat literally WHATEVER they wanted constantly, completing swamping any amount of food you could ever hope to ingest and still manage to weigh on the lighter side of 150 lbs, this is my roommate Chris.

Now take that image of your friend eating all those goodies and how it makes you feel and make them your roommate. Needless to say, my living situation right now is not conducive to dieting without temptation.

Earlier tonight he came creeping into the living room with his hands behind his back, saying "Don't be angry, don't be angry.."

What? I say.

He plops down next to me and reveals 1. a box of caramel delights (bastard!) 2. a bag of chocolate Teddy Grahams and 3. a cupcake with red and white heart sprinkles. Oh, and a glass of milk.

I ate a small clementine and a small box of raisins and excused myself to bed.

He'll get what's coming to him some day: high cholesterol and a gut. He has to... right?

I've fallen and I can't get up.

2008-02-26T22:42:00.000-08:00

I was doing so well. I mean, SO well.

Today was my one month anniversary of this year's bout of Weight Watchers. And what did I do to celebrate? I stuffed my face so full of Thin Mints I honestly contemplated throwing up. It was that horrible.

So far I have lost 8.6 pounds. Not too shabby considering I only LOST weight two out of the four weeks. The second week I had bronchitis and started my period (WENDY'S was involved somewhere) and this week I was forced out of town a couple nights in a row, causing me to make bad food decisions and basically eat what anyone handed me.

On the upside, I didn't actually GAIN weight this week, I just didn't lose any. Now this week I will be making up for tonight the next six days.

Good incentives: I bought one of the new iPod mini shuffles and filled it with nothing but good, upbeat running songs. I hope to break the thirty minute barrier tomorrow. (I also stopped by DICK'S tonight and bought about $250 worth of workout gear, including but not limited to Pilates pants, running pants, an Adidas duffle bag and a water wicking hat that is lightweight for summer (not to mention my new, well-fitted sports bra that I am IN LOVE with).

The goals here are to get in shape for rock climbing season at the Red River Gorge (April) and to lost somewhere close to 60 pounds before I move away to go to grad school in August. Looks like I have my work cut out for me.

I cannot even imagine how bloated I will feel tomorrow and dread putting on my just washed work jeans, which will undoubtedly be snug after my ridiculous carbo binge. (I also had two glasses of wine and a dinner roll! I suck.)

So that is my introduction to the world of weight loss blogging.

Hello everyone, it's good to be here.